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答網友問

網友來email問我意見, 由於佢30幾都仲怕醜, 我唔貼原文, 只講大概background

網友同對象都係 early thirties,女稍為大過男
耶女, 離過婚
屋企marginal endorses佢地

首先, if I were you, I won't ask一個好似沙文咁嘅人。我嘅marriage唔算成功, 若然有第3次機会揀而羅紗蓮又肯原諒我前兩次唔揀佢, 我未必會作出而家呢個選擇。

不過, 同耶女周旋, 我又不否認確係有些經驗, 不過這個層次等您决定真係去馬先至詳談, 有問題再找我。

而家先做一些基本分析。我認為好明顯對方係一個中女, 佢想嫁您多過您想娶佢, that's fine, seller's market, 可以吊高來賣, 這是您的優勢, 您係較有可能得到幸福嘅, 吊唔吊就要您自已决定。

我認為作决定的思考程序為:
1. 您係咪想結婚
2. 佢係咪您結婚嘅唯一option?
3.佢係咪您結婚嘅best option?

若然您答3個yes, 咁就可以結, 其他生仔、屋企人等問題都好minor啫。耶女亦都唔難handle, 耶教尐戆居嘢, 您當笑話睇都幾有娛樂性, 婚後長睇長有,有排您笑, enjoy.

Best Regards,
沙文
南宮沙文就網友個案的分析,略嫌過分簡化,就如「1. 您係咪想結婚」,這就需要進一步考慮清楚。個人認為此問應可細分為:

1a. 您有幾想結婚
1b. 結婚係咪你嘅唯一option
1c. 婚結黎做乜

生唔生到仔都係一大問題,所謂百行孝為先、不孝有三無後為大。

同時,娶妻求淑婦,女人好既就扶手棍,唔好既就攞命藤,如果能預視個女人本身無足夠智慧履行做好妻子既職責,真係不宜淌這趟渾水。身為耶女,如果佢本身係自願入教,可見智慧已比常人差一大截,正如南宮沙文都說把耶料當是笑料一樣,相當於看著笨手笨腳的人做事一樣,遠看就好,做同事就辛苦了。(如對方美貌足以抵銷智慧上的不足,則另當別論)
支持鼓勵每位離教者
這個沒有下文了?我一路追緊架...
我有一個夢。
離教者之家能夠成為一個讓基督徒認識愛和學習愛的群體,大家言歸於好,主內主外一家,四海皆兄弟。
一切爭戰和怨恨,都是浪費氣力的無聊動作。
大家省回這些寶貴的力氣,便可以為世界作出更美好的建設。

親愛的朋友,有心聲無處傾訴?
主夫人願意成為您的聆聽者。
沙文又巧設語言陷阱,要三個問題都答yes 才可娶此耶女,但第三問題基本上你一日唔死,都唔可能知對方是否「the best」~

不過言歸正題,我覺得要視乎耶中女的「屬靈」程度,如果對方是懂得平衡宗教與現實的類型,而網友對方適合自己的,不仿去馬,婚後搬遠d,再生個b掉低比佢放假凑,佢想番教會都難

但如果是那種全心交托又aggressive要帶身邊人番教會 或是信仰大於一切的耶女,咁就長痛不如短痛,免得婚後家嘈屋閉~
花開花落花無缺!

對付教徒三式: 不主動、 不抗拒、 不負責!

講就天下無敵。情這個字,真能以客觀角度分析的話,世上就不會有如此多痴男怨女~

不要小看信教的女孩,她們的善良和單純往往會令男人難以自拔,是巿場上罕見的渴巿盤。一舉手一投足,散發著女性應有的溫婉柔順,那是女人最基本最煞食的本質。

要認清對方實力,就請先看得起對方,而不是自欺欺人地狂踩。話人蠢話人無腦,你知唔知幾多痴漢就係渴望要一個無腦的女人(至少看起來)。
我有一個夢。
離教者之家能夠成為一個讓基督徒認識愛和學習愛的群體,大家言歸於好,主內主外一家,四海皆兄弟。
一切爭戰和怨恨,都是浪費氣力的無聊動作。
大家省回這些寶貴的力氣,便可以為世界作出更美好的建設。

親愛的朋友,有心聲無處傾訴?
主夫人願意成為您的聆聽者。
"1. 您係咪想結婚
2. 佢係咪您結婚嘅唯一option?
3.佢係咪您結婚嘅best option?"

If you answer yes in (2), it can be concluded that you will answer yes in (3).  An only option is always the "best" option since you have no other choice.

The missing part of the question is degree.  For example, how "urgent" are you in getting married?  But 沙文 has already included the consideration in other part of the post.

----------
For Step.King.,

The question is ask in a subjective way.  It is asking what "you" believe/think, it is not about the reality.  Falling in love is about living in a distorted reality where you "think" she is special when she is not.

沙文 is correct in the sense that the value of a "product" rest mostly on the consumer's mind, not the feature of the product.  

I suppose an analogy can be made with sports car for men, and handbag for women.  Even if you can't drive 200/km with a Porche in HK, it is valued by men; even if a LV handbag is only as durable as any other handbag, it is valued by women.
------

What I find strange is that 沙文 assume the sender CAN remain rational about his choice.  Love is chemical working in the brain, it disrupts and distorts the brain's working.  I think 沙文 would know it first hand as he looks back at his choice over his lover(s).  What is he thinking back then (if he is still thinking)?
I think 沙文 would know it first hand as he looks back at his choice over his lover(s).  What is he thinking back then (if he is still thinking)?
dye 發表於 2014/4/3 18:41

Wow....
That's my Achilles' heel.
本帖最後由 dye 於 2014/4/4 10:57 編輯

In short, when you fall in love, the girl being stupid/silly is not a problem, and may even be a positive features.  When you are no longer in love, it becomes an intolerable problem.

When your hearts on fire, you must realize, smoke gets in your eyes.

My advice in the situation is much simpler, look at her in her eyes, can you feel the love surging through your veins?  Including but not exhaustive: pounding heart, sweating palms, tunnel vision?  If so, give the marriage a shot.  

For men: 人生有多少個十年?最緊要痛快。
For women: 珍惜眼前人

If you still need a reason to marry her, please don't.  My advice is: Love needs no reason, only hate does.
回覆 8# dye

Don't mean to be picky but I think it should be "hatred" in your advice.
回覆 9# 沙文

You are correct.  Of course, you are always correct.
回覆 10# dye

Sorry, 可能近排無端端做咗無牌英文教師,過度反應
回覆 11# 沙文

Don't worry, I take great pleasure in being corrected.  I think this is what good friends are for (to correct each other).

益者三友: 友直、友諒、友多聞

On this forum, you are all three.
真正的Men Talk~
我有一個夢。
離教者之家能夠成為一個讓基督徒認識愛和學習愛的群體,大家言歸於好,主內主外一家,四海皆兄弟。
一切爭戰和怨恨,都是浪費氣力的無聊動作。
大家省回這些寶貴的力氣,便可以為世界作出更美好的建設。

親愛的朋友,有心聲無處傾訴?
主夫人願意成為您的聆聽者。
嘿嘿,有下文。

最後係結左婚,等生仔。下一個戰場就係d細路。
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