hellboy

Legal disputes are settled by a judge who determines guilt or innocence. No lawyers or jury are needed. Those found guilty will be beaten with 40 stripes. 25:1-3

If a man dies before his wife has a child, then the widow must marry her husband's brother -- whether she likes him or not, and whether she wants to or not. 25:5

If two men fight and the wife of one grabs the "secrets" of the other, "then thou shalt cut off her hand" and "thine eye shall not pity her." 25:11-12

God commands the Israelites to "blot out the rembrance of Amalek from under heaven." A few hundred years later God orders Saul to kill of the Amalekites "both man and woman, infant and suckling." (1 Sam.15:2-3) 25:19

If you don't obey all of the laws that are given in the Old Testament, God shower you with the curses that are given in the next 52 verses. 28:16-68

"Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field." I guess you'll be cursed just about wherever you go. 28:16

"Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body." 28:18

"Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out." 28:19

"The LORD shall send upon thee cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly." 28:20

"The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee." 28:21

hellboy

"The LORD shall cause thee to be smitten before thine enemies." 28:25

"And thy carcass shall be meat to all the fowls of the air, and no man shall fray them away." 28:26

"The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and the emerods [hemorrhoids], and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst be healed." 28:27

"The Lord will smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart." 28:28

"And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee." 28:29

"Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her." 28:30

"Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes ... thine ass shall be violently taken away." 28:31

Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people." 28:32

"The fruit of thy land, and all thy labours, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed." 28:33

You will be enslaved and driven mad in another country. 28:33-24

hellboy

"The Lord will smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head." 28:35

You will be ruled by other nations, forced to serve other gods, become a laughingstock among your neighbors, have your crops destroyed by locusts, your vines eaten by worms, and have fruitless olive trees. 28:36-40

"Thou shalt begat sons and daughters, but thou shall not enjoy them; for they shall go into captivity." 28:41

Locusts will destroy your trees and fruit. 28:42

"All these curses shall come upon thee ... and upon thy seed for ever." 28:48-49

God will enslave you and destroy you with hunger, thirst, hardship, and all kinds of deprivation. 28:48-52

"And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters." 28:53

"So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil toward his brother, and toward the wife of his bosom, and toward the remnant of his children which he shall leave: So that he will not give to any of them of the flesh of his children whom he shall eat." 28:54-55

"The tender and delicate woman" will be forced to eat her own children "that cometh out from between her feet." 28:56-57

"If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book. Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed ... Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed." 28:58-61

hellboy

If the Jews don't follow God's laws he'll have most of them killed. 28:62

"The LORD will rejoice over you to destroy you, and to bring you to nought." 28:63

"And the LORD shall scatter thee among all people, from the one end of the earth even unto the other; and there thou shalt serve other gods." 28:64

"The LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind." 28:65

"And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life." 28:66

"In the morning thou shalt say, Would God it were even! and at even thou shalt say, Would God it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see." 28:67

God will have you sold to your enemies -- but even they won't buy you. 28:68

If you serve the gods of other nations, "all the curses that are in this book" will fall upon you. 29:18-20

If you follow your own heart, God will curse you with all the curses in Deuteronomy 28:15-68. 29:19-20

"And the Lord will put all these curses upon thine enemies." See Deuteronomy 28:16-64 for some of the curses God has in mind. 30:7

hellboy

Moses tells the people that God will destroy all the inhabitants of the lands that they pass through. 31:3

God hates non-believers. 32:19-20

When God gets mad -- watch out! He'll starve you to death, burn you with fire, and send vicious beasts to devour you. He'll "destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs." Not even the helpless and innocent are spared by this psychotic God. 32:21-26

"For a fire is kindled in mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest hell, and shall consume the earth with her increase, and set on fire the foundations of the mountains." 32:22

"I will heap mischiefs upon them; I will spend mine arrows upon them." 32:23

"They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust." 32:24

"The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs." 32:25

"I said, I would scatter them into corners, I would make the remembrance of them to cease from among men." 32:26

God says, "To me belongeth vengeance, and recompense ... for the day of their destruction is at hand." 32:35

God says, "I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh." Someone should take his sword and arrows away, at least until he's feeling better. 32:39-43

hellboy

Joshua


"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."
Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 1:9

"Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you ... There shall not any man be able to stand before thee." 1:3-5)

God "magnifies" Joshua and promises to "without fail" drive out all the inhabitants of the lands through which they passed. 3:7

"And the city shall be accursed ... and all that therein, to the Lord: only Rahab the harlot shall live." God explains that Rahab is to be spared since she hid Joshua's spies and lied to those who were searching for them (2:4-5). But why was everyone else killed? Some of them were probably liars too. 6:17

Keep yourselves from "the accursed thing". Whatever that is. But be sure to save all the silver and gold for God! 6:18-19

"And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword." 6:21

After killing everyone, "they burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein." Only the valuables (silver, gold, brass, and iron) did they keep to "put into the treasury of the house of the Lord." 6:24

Joshua says that those who try to rebuild Jericho will be accursed by God, and will have to sacrifice both their oldest and their youngest sons in its construction. Well, Jericho still exists today, and is often considered to be the world's oldest, continuously occupied city. 6:26

God tells Joshua to kill whoever tood "the accursed thing." 7:10-12

If you happen to see "the accursed thing," don't touch it. If you do, you, your family, and all of your animals must be burned. 7:15

hellboy

"And Joshua ... took Achan ... and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his sheep... And all of Israel stoned them with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones." This is because Achan "took of the accursed thing" -- whatever that means. But why would God require that Achan's sons and daughters (and even his animals) be stoned to death along with him? The Bible doesn't say. But it does tell us that "the Lord turned from the fierceness of his anger" when Achan, his children, and his animals were stoned to death and their dead bodies burned. 7:24-26

"When ye have taken the city [Ai] ... ye shall set the city on fire: according to the commandment of the LORD. 8:8

"They smote them, so that they let none of them remain or escape." 8:22

"When Israel had made an end of slaying all the inhabitants of Ai in the field ... all the Israelites returned unto Ai, and smote it with the edge of the sword." 8:24

"All that fell that day, both of men and women, were twelve thousand." 8:25

God curses the Gibeonites to be slaves of the Jews forever. 9:21-27

"And the LORD said unto Joshua, Fear them not: for I have delivered them into thine hand."
God delivers the Amorites into Joshua's hand (so he can kill them all). 10:8

"And the LORD discomfited them before Israel, and slew them with a great slaughter at Gibeon, and chased them along the way."
God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them along the way. 10:10

"The LORD cast down great stones from heaven upon them ... and they died."
As the Amorites try to escape, God sends down huge hailstones and kills even more of them. 10:11

In a divine type of daylight savings time, God makes the sun stand still so that Joshua can get all his killing done before dark. 10:12-13

hellboy

"The Lord fought for Israel." 10:14

God tells Joshua to "pursue after your enemies and smite the hindmost of them." (Kick their butts.) Don't let any of them escape "for the Lord your God hath delivered them into your hand." 10:19

Joshua tells his captains to "put your feet upon the necks of these kings." He says, "thus shall the Lord do to all of your enemies." Then Joshua kills the kings and hangs them on trees. 10:24-26

"Put your feet upon the necks of these kings." 10:24

"Thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies." 10:25

"Joshua smote them, and slew them, and hanged them on five trees." 10:25

Joshua, at God's command, kills everyone and everything that he can find (including babies and little children)-- or, as the Bible puts it, he "utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the Lord commanded." 10:28-32

Joshua, at God's command, kills everyone and everything that he can find (including babies and little children)-- or, as the Bible puts it, he "utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the Lord commanded." 10:28-32

"Joshua ... smote it with the edge of the sword ... and all the souls that were therein; he let none remain." 10:28

"Then Joshua ... fought against Libnah: And the LORD delivered it also ... and he smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein; he let none remain in it." 10:29-30

hellboy

"The LORD delivered Lachish into the hand of Israel, which ... smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein." 10:32

"Joshua passed unto Eglon ... and smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein he utterly destroyed." 10:34-35

"Joshua went ... unto Hebron ... and smote it with the edge of the sword ... and all the cities ... and all the souls that were therein; he left none remaining." 10:36-37

"Joshua returned ... to Debir ... And he took it ... and all the cities ... and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and utterly destroyed all the souls that were therein; he left none remaining."10:38-39

"So Joshua ... left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded." 10:40

"All these kings and their land did Joshua take at one time, because the LORD God of Israel fought for Israel." 10:42

God delivers the Hazorites into Joshua's hand, and he knows just what to do with them: he smites them all with (you guessed it) the edge of the sword until "there was not any left to breathe." 11:6-17

"And the LORD delivered them into the hand of Israel, who smote them ... and they smote them, until they left them none remaining." 11:8

"Joshua ... smote the king thereof with the sword." 11:10

"And they smote all the souls that were therein with the edge of the sword, utterly destroying them: there was not any left to breathe." 11:11

hellboy

"And all the cities of those kings, and all the kings of them, did Joshua take, and smote them with the edge of the sword, and he utterly destroyed them, as Moses the servant of the LORD commanded." 11:12

"Every man they smote with the edge of the sword, until they had destroyed them, neither left they any to breathe." 11:14

"As the LORD commanded Moses his servant, so did Moses command Joshua, and so did Joshua; he left nothing undone of all that the LORD commanded Moses." 11:15

"So Joshua took ... all their kings ... and smote them, and slew them." 11:16-17

"For it was of the Lord to harden their hearts, that they should come against Israel in battle, that he might destroy them utterly." Notice that God hardens their hearts so that he can have an excuse to kill them. 11:20

"Joshua destroyed them utterly with their cities." 11:21

Caleb offers to give his daughter to whoever conquers the city of Debir. Caleb's nephew wins the contest and is given his cousin for a prize. 15:16-17

"Did not Achan son of Zerah commit a trespass in the accursed thing, and wrath fell on all the congregation of Israel?" To find out see Joshua 7:1-26. 22:20

One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the LORD your God, he it is that fighteth for you." 23:10

"I plagued Egypt." 24:5

hellboy

God brags about drowning the Egyptians. 24:7

"I gave them [the Amorites] into your hand, that ye might possess their land; and I destroyed them from before you." 24:8

"I have given you a land for which ye did not labour, and cities which ye built not."
God gave the Israelites other peoples' stuff (after killing them all). 24:13

"I delivered them into your hand." 24:11

God sent hornets to fight for the Israelites. 24:12

God is jealous and will never forgive you for your sins. "He will turn and do you hurt, and consume you." 24:19-20 Judges


God appoints Judah to succeed Joshua. The Lord delivers his foes into his hands and another 10,000 are slain. In the process, they capture Adonibezek and "cut off his thumbs and great toes." Nice guys. 1:2-6

The LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men." 1:4

Caleb offers to give his daughter to anyone who conquers the city of Debir. Caleb's nephew wins the contest and is given his cousin for a prize. 1:12-13

"They slew the Canaanites that inhabited Zephath, and utterly destroyed it ... And the Lord was with Judah." (You can tell by the number of innocent people he killed.) 1:17, 19

hellboy

The Israelite spies killed everyone in Bethel, except for the man (and his family) who showed them how to enter the city. 1:25

An angel drops by to rebuke the Israelites for being too tolerant of the religious beliefs of the people they have been massacring. He tells them that since they didn't complete their job (of killing everyone), God will not completely drive them out (like he promised to do). Instead he'll keep some of them around so that the Israelites will be ensnared by their false gods. 2:1-3

God anger "was hot against Israel, and he sold them." Well, I hope he got a good price. 2:14, 4:2

God anger "was hot against Israel, and he sold them." 3:8

The spirit of the Lord comes upon Othniel and causes him to go to war. 3:10

"The children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel ... So the children of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years." 3:12-14

God "delivers" more folks into the hands of his chosen people. "And they slew of Moab ... about 10,000 men ... and their escaped not a man." 3:28-29

"The Lord discomfited Sisera ... with the edge of the sword ... and there was not a man left." 4:15-16

Jael (our heroine) offers food and shelter to a traveler (Sisera, Jabin's captain), saying "turn in my Lord ... fear not." Then after giving him a glass of milk and tucking him in, she drives a tent stake through his head. "So God subdued on that day Jabin." 4:17-23

For murdering her guest while he slept, Jael is "blessed above women." (Hail Jael, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women....?) 5:24-26

hellboy

"So let all thine enemies perish, O Lord." (Let them all have their temples pierced by blessed women.) 5:31

"The children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD delivered them into the hand of Midian seven years."
God forces the Israelites to be slaves to the Midianites for seven years. 6:1

"The LORD said unto him, Surely I will be with thee, and thou shalt smite the Midianites as one man." God promises to help Gideon kill all the Midianites. 6:16

When Gideon and his water-lapping companions blow their trumpets, God forces all the enemy soldiers to kill each other, killing 120,000. 7:22, 8:10

Two princes are killed and their heads are brought to Gideon. 7:25

For refusing to feed him and his army, Gideon swears that he'll tear the flesh off the elders of Succoth. (And he carries out his threat in verse 16.) 8:7

Gideon says he'll destroy the tower of Peneul when he "comes again in peace." 8:9

"He took the elders of the city, and thorns of the wilderness and briers, and with them he taught the men of Succoth." 8:16

"He beat down the tower of Penuel, and slew the men of the city." 8:17

Gideon orders his son to kill two kings, but he refuses. So Gideon has to do it himself since his son isn't "man" enough to do it. 8:20-21

hellboy

Abimelech kills 70 brothers "upon one stone." (He was trying to get in the Guinness Book of World Records.) 9:5

God sends evil spirits that cause humans to deal treacherously with each other. 9:23-24

"Thus God rendered the wickedness of Abimelech, which he did unto his father, in slaying his seventy brethren."
Abimelech's sin wasn't against the 70 brothers that he killed but against his father (Gideon, already dead). 9:56

"And all the evil of the men of Shechem did God render upon their heads: and upon them came the curse of Jotham the son of Jerubbaal."
God had one thousand men and women burned to death to punish them for supporting Abimelech rather than Jotham. 9:57

God is angry at Israel so he sells them to the Philistines. He had previously sold them to the kings of Mesopotamia (3:8) and Canaan (4:2). He's such a shrewd businessman! 10:7

"God ... delivered Sihon and all his people into the hand of Israel, and they smote them: so Israel possessed all the land of the Amorites." 11:21

"Whomsoever the LORD our God shall drive out from before us, them will we [the Israelites] possess." 11:24

When "the spirit of the Lord" comes upon Jephthah, he makes a deal with God: If God will help him kill the Ammonites, then he (Jephthah) will offer to God as a burnt offering whatever comes out of his house to greet him. God keeps his end of the deal by providing Jephthah with "a very great slaughter." But when Jephthah returns, his nameless daughter comes out to greet him (who'd he expect, his wife?). Well, a deal's a deal, so he delivers her to God as a burnt offering -- after letting her spend a couple of months going up and down on the mountains bewailing her virginity. 11:29-39

"The LORD delivered them into his hands ... And he smote them ... even twenty cities ... with a very great slaughter." 11:32-33

42,000 Ephraimites fail the "shibboleth" test and are killed by Jephthah's army. 12:6

hellboy

The Israelites "did evil in the sight of the Lord," so he "delivered them into the hand of the Philistines forty years." 13:1

When "the spirit of the Lord" comes upon Jephthah, he makes a deal with God: If God will help him kill the Ammonites, then he (Jephthah) will offer to God as a burnt offering whatever comes out of his house to greet him. God keeps his end of the deal by providing Jephthah with "a very great slaughter." But when Jephthah returns, his nameless daughter comes out to greet him (who'd he expect, his wife?). Well, a deal's a deal, so he delivers her to God as a burnt offering -- after letting her spend a couple of months going up and down on the mountains bewailing her virginity. 11:29-39

"Her father ... did with her according to his vow which he had vowed." 11:39

"And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men ... and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle."
When the Spirit of the Lord came upon Samson, he killed 30 men at random and took their clothes and gave it to the guys at the party as a prize for guessing his riddle.
(Samson might have been a decent person if he could have kept the spirit of the Lord off him.) 14:19

Samson's father-in-law gave Samson's wife away to a friend, since he thought Samson "hated" her. He suggests that Samson take his younger daughter instead, saying the younger one's prettier anyway. 15:2

Samson decides to take revenge on the Philistines for -- what? Samson's father-in-law gave away his wife because he thought Samson "hated" her. What did the Philistines have to do with that? 15:3

Samson catches 300 foxes, ties their tails together, and sets them on fire; the Philistines burn Samson's ex-wife and father-in-law; and Samson smites them "hip and thigh with a great slaughter." 15:4-8

Samson, with God's help, kills himself and 3000 Philistine men and women by causing a roof to collapse, setting an example for Bible-based terrorism. 16:27-30

After taking in a traveling Levite, the host offers his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine to a mob of perverts (who want to have sex with his guest). The mob refuses the daughter, but accepts the concubine and they "abuse her all night." The next morning she crawls back to the doorstep and dies. The Levite puts her dead body on an ass and takes her home. Then he chops her body up into twelve pieces and sends them to each of the twelve tribes of Israel. 19:22-30

After the Benjamites refuse to turn over the men from Gibeah (the town that wanted to have sex with the Levite but settled for his concubine instead), the Israelites asked God which tribe should go to war with them. God said the tribe of Judah should go first. So Judah goes to war, but the Benjamites with their sharp shooting lefties kill 22,000 Israelites. 20:18-21

hellboy

After 22,000 Israelites were killed by the Benjamites, they cry all day before the Lord. Then they ask God (again) if they should go to war against Benjamin. God said yes, so they try it again, and another 18,000 Israelites are killed. 20:23-25

After 22,000 Israelites were killed by the Benjamites, they cry all day before the Lord. Then they ask God (again) if they should go to war against Benjamin. God said yes, so they try it again, and another 18,000 Israelites are killed. 20:23-25

Once again all of the Israelites sit and weep before God, and ask again (for the third time) if they should attack the Benjamites. God give them his usual answer: Attack. This time he promises (he was just kidding the last couple times) that he "will deliver them into thine hand." 20:26-28

God helps the Israelites kill 25,100 Benjamites. 20:35

The Israelites killed everyone in the city with the edge of the sword. 20:37

Another 25,000 Benjamites are killed by the God-assisted Israelites. 20:44-46

The Israelites finish their massacre of the Benjamites by killing all the men, animals, and everything they could find in every Benjamite city. Then they burned the cities to the ground. (In this way God helped the Israelites make everything better after the rape and dismemberment of the concubine.) 20:48

After the Israelites heard the Levite's story (about chopping up his dead concubine and sending her body parts to each tribe of Israel) they vowed not to "give" their daughters to the Benjamites. So now they had a problem: they just finished killing all the Benjamite women and children (Jg 20:48) so there were no women for the surviving Benjamite men to marry. [There were 600 Benjamite men that survived the war with the Israelites. (Jg 20:47)] 21:1-7

But they find a great solution. They check their records and find that no one from Jabeshgilead came to the rotting-concubine- body-part meeting. So they'll go and steal their women and give them to the 600 surviving Benjamites. 21:8

Here's what the Israelites decide to do. They will go and kill everyone in Jabeshgilead except for the virgin women and give them to the 600 surviving Benjamites. 21:11

hellboy

So the Israelites killed all the non-virgin women and children in Jabeshgilead, bringing back 400 virgin women to give to the Benjamites. But they were still 200 short. Damn! 21:12-14
1 Samuel


"The Lord had shut up her [Hannah's] womb." 1:5

"The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; out of heaven shall he thunder upon them." If God doesn't like you, he'll send a thunderstorm your way to break your body into little pieces. 2:10

"Because the LORD would slay them."
Eli's sons didn't listen to him, because God had already decided to kill them. (Which he does in 1 Sam.4:11.) 2:25

"A man of God unto Eli, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD ... I will cut off thine arm... There shall not be an old man in thine house for ever ... I shall ... consume thine eyes and ... grieve thine heart."
A "man of God" tells Eli that God will "consume his eyes" and "grieve his heart" and make sure that all of his decendants will die young" because of the stuff his sons did. 2:27-32

"And this shall be a sign unto thee, that shall come upon thy two sons, on Hophni and Phinehas; in one day they shall die both of them."
God says he'll kill his two sons as a sign to him. (Just ot remind him of the nasty things he plans to do to him and his descendants to punish him for what his sons did.) 2:34

God will punish Eli's descendants forever for the sins of Eli's sons. 3:12-13

God smites the people of Ashdod with hemorrhoids "in their secret parts." 5:6-12

God kills 50,070 men for looking into the ark. "And the people lamented, because the Lord had smitten many of the people with a great slaughter." 6:19

The LORD thundered with a great thunder on that day upon the Philistines, and discomfited them; and they were smitten before Israel." 7:10-11

hellboy

"And the spirit of God came upon Saul ... and he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coast of Israel." People do the darnedest things when the spirit of God comes upon them! 11:6-7

"Saul ... slew the Ammorites unto the heat of the day." Then he took a little break. After all, killing is hard work. 11:11

To day the LORD hath wrought salvation in Israel."
God saved the Israelites by slaughtering the Ammonites. 11:13

God delivers the Philistines into Jonathan's hand. And his very "first slaughter ... was about twenty men." Not bad for a first slaughter. 14:12

Under God's influence, the Philistines killed each other. 14:20

"So the LORD saved Israel that day."
God saved Israel by forcing Philistines to kill each other. 14:23

But later, Saul and his army kill all of those who had not already been killed. 14:36

God orders Saul to kill all of the Amalekites: men, women, infants, sucklings, ox, sheep, camels, and asses. Why? Because God remembers what Amalek did hundreds of years ago. 15:2-3

Saul killed everyone but Agag (the king) and the best of the animals. But still God was furious with Saul for not killing everything as he had been told to do. He said, "it repenteth me that I have set Saul up to be king." 15:7-26

Saul is rebuked by Samuel for "doing evil in the sight of the Lord" by failing to kill all of the Amalekites. 15:18-19

hellboy

"So David ... fought with the Philistines ... and smote them with a great slaughter." 23:5

"There was a man in Maon, whose possessions were in Carmel; and the man was very great. ... The name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail."
David and his band of outlaws tell Nabal to give David everything he has. He refuses, saying that he doesn't even know who David is. David responds by promising to kill everyone in Nabal's household that pisses against the wall. But Abigail went to David and paid him off, so David decided not to kill all of Nabal an all of his wall pissers. 25:2-35

Give, I pray thee, whatsoever cometh to thine hand unto thy servants, and to thy son David."
David sends ten "young men" to tell Nabal to give David whatever he has. 25:8

"If I leave ... any that pisseth against the wall."
David vows to will kill Nabal and all his men (or as he put it, "any that pisseth against the wall".) 25:22

"Except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall."
If Abigail hadn't come and paid him off, David would have killed Nabal and any of his people "that pisseth against the wall". 25:34

"And it came to pass about ten days after, that the Lord smote Nabal, that he died." This was convenient for David who then took his property and his wife, Abigail. 25:38

"When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, Blessed be the LORD ... And David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife." 25:39

So David takes his second wife (Abigail) after God killed he husband (Nabal). He also, at the same time, took another wife (#3), Abinam. In the meantime, Saul gave Michal (his daughter and David's first wife) to another man. 25:41-44

"And David smote the land and left neither man nor woman alive." (No wonder God liked David so much!) 27:8-11

Saul visits a woman with a "familiar spirit" and she brings Samuel back from the dead. Samuel once again explains that God is angry at Saul for not killing all of the Amalekites. He says God is going to deliver all of Israel into the hands of the Philistines. (Since Saul refused to slaughter innocent people, God will slaughter the Israelites. Fair is fair.) 28:8-19

hellboy

"Because thou obeyedst not the voice of the LORD, nor executedst his fierce wrath upon Amalek, therefore hath the LORD done this thing unto thee this day." 28:18

"The LORD will also deliver Israel with thee into the hand of the Philistines: and to morrow shalt thou and thy sons be with me."
God sent a message to Saul (through a dead man brought back to life by a witch) was that tomorrow God would make sure that the Philistines kill him and his sons (to punish Saul for not killing all the Amalekites like God told him to in 1 Samuel 15:3). 28:19

"David smote them from the twilight even unto the evening of the next day: and there escaped not a man of them, save four hundred young men."
David spends the day killing more of those pesky Amalekites. He kills all of them except for 400 that escaped on camels. (See 1 Sam.15:7-8 and 27:8-9 for the last two times they were exterminated.) 30:17

"Now the Philistines fought against Israel; and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines, and fell down slain in mount Gilboa."
God used the Philistines to kill the Israelite soldiers to punish Saul for not killing all the Amalekites. (See 1 Samuel 28:19) 31:1

"The Philistines slew Jonathan, and Abinadab, and Melchishua, Saul's sons."
God had the Philistines kill Saul's sons to punish him for not killing all the Amalekites. See 1 Samuel 28:19) 31:2

"So Saul died, and his three sons, and his armourbearer, and all his men, that same day together." 31:6
2 Samuel


David tells one of his "young men" to kill the Amalekite messenger who claimed to have mercifully killed Saul at Saul's own request. 1:15

Michal was bought by David with 200 Philistine foreskins (1 Sam.18:25-27), then she was "given" to Phatiel (1 Sam.25:44), and then "taken back" by David. Poor Phatiel must have loved her dearly since he "went along weeping behind her." 3:15-16

When Joab (David's captain) kills Abner (by smiting him under the fifth rib of course), David says that he and his kingdom are not responsible. The blame, he says, lays with Joab. So David curses Joab, his family, and their descendants forever. Let them all be plagued with venereal diseases and leprosy, starve to death, commit suicide, or lean on staves. (The Revised Standard Version translates "leaneth on a staff" as "holds a spindle," apparently meaning effeminate -- real men don't spin or weave.) 3:27-29

Some of David's men kill Saul's son (by smiting him under the fifth rib, of course) and bring his head to David, thinking that he'll be pleased. But he wasn't. David has the assassins killed, their hands and feet chopped off, and their bodies hung up (for decorations?) over the pool in Hebron. 4:6-7