本帖最後由 leefeng 於 2021/11/3 10:50 編輯
基督教基本建立在一大堆荒謬的謊言和神怪幻想之上，
耶穌竟然被外國作者嘲笑到無地自容，難為基督教徒還以為上天堂路近了？
以下是用google translate的翻譯。
白話文：龍都攪得惦，會攪唔惦一個希律王？
偽馬太福音，亦稱《馬利亞誕生與救主童年記》。
將其編入聖經的福音書幾乎從耶穌基督的誕生到他的成年階段跳過，但還有其他文件記錄了耶穌基督的冒險經歷：男孩奇蹟。
它們是所謂的新約次經的一部分，由於擔心它們發送的信息，或者在某些情況下，它們會因純粹的令人敬畏而融化的面孔數量，這一系列書被認為不適合包含在內。大多數故事都很正常——治愈麻風病人和復活死者——但有些故事太瘋狂了，我們知道答案是，耶穌會做什麼？是什麼他想要的。
耶穌基督：龍王
新約不只是在耶穌升天后的第二天早上從天而降到報攤上。現代基督教聖經中的 27 本書直到耶穌在世後 300 多年才被正式宣布。到那時，裁剪室的地板上不得不留下數以千計的關於耶穌生平的說法和故事。偽馬太福音就是這種情況。這個名字來自這樣一個事實，即它基本上是製作聖經的馬太福音的擴展導演剪輯，涵蓋了大部分相同的領域，除了一個令人遺憾地被刪除的場景。
耶穌出生兩年後，希律王聽說有一個孩子被稱為“猶太人的王”，並下令殺死伯利恆所有兩歲的男孩以保護他的王位（使希律成為第一個，也是最後一個） ，有爭議的“殺死所有嬰兒”政治平台的成員）。但上帝設法及時警告了約瑟，一家人在希律的人到來之前就逃走了。你可能知道這一切。你可能不知道的是，在前往埃及的途中，耶穌和他的家人在一個山洞裡停下來休息，令他們驚訝的是，那裡住著一群龍。 （你怎麼稱呼一群龍？一群？一個驕傲？一場音樂會？）真正的鱗片，噴火，帶翅膀的蜥蜴龍。
瞧，突然從山洞裡出來了許多龍；孩子們一看見，就驚恐地叫起來。耶穌就從他母親的懷抱中下來，站在巨龍面前；他們崇拜耶穌，然後就退下了。
——《偽馬太福音》第 18 章
沒錯：聖經本可以包含一段詳細說明耶穌基督如何完全漠視龍軍的段落。乍一看，這似乎是一個令人費解的遺漏。
耶穌基督，馴龍師，在轉變金屬頭和 14 歲男孩時會非常有效。
如果你相信上帝在處理編輯的職責，那就更有意義了。耶穌完全可以用他的馴龍能力在希律的屁股上殺死一個無敵的地獄獸艦隊。這就是舊約中的上帝所做的。如果我們的兒子揮霍了那麼棒的力量，而我們正在編輯他的傳記，我們可能也會跳過那部分。
The Gospels that made it into the Bible pretty much skip from the birth of Jesus Christ to his adulthood, but there are other documents that chronicle the adventures of Jesus Christ: Boy Wonder. They're part of something called the New Testament Apocrypha, a series of books deemed unfit for inclusion due to concerns over the message they'd send or, in some cases, the number of faces they'd melt with their sheer awesomeness. Most of the stories are pretty normal fare -- healing lepers and raising the dead -- but some are so insane that we learn that the answer to, What would Jesus do? is Whatever the hell he wants.
Jesus Christ: Dragonmaster
The New Testament didn't just descend from the skies onto newsstands the morning after Jesus ascended up to heaven. The 27 books in modern Christian Bibles weren't declared official until over 300 years after Jesus walked the earth. By that time, thousands of sayings and stories about Jesus' life had to be left on the cutting-room floor.
Such was the case of the Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew. The name comes from the fact that it's basically an extended director's cut of the Gospel of Matthew that made the Bible, covering most of the same territory save for one regrettably deleted scene.
Two years after Jesus was born, King Herod got word of a child being called the "king of the Jews" and ordered that all two-year-old male children in Bethlehem be killed to protect his throne (making Herod the first, and last, member of the controversial "kill all babies" political platform).
But God managed to warn Joseph in time, and the family fled before Herod's men arrived. You probably knew all that. What you may not have known is that on their way to Egypt, Jesus and his family stopped to rest in a cave, which, to their surprise, was populated by a herd of dragons. (What do you call a group of dragons? A flock? A pride? A concert?) Actual scaly, fire-breathing, winged lizard-dragons.
And, lo, suddenly there came forth from the cave many dragons; and when the children saw them, they cried out in great terror.
Then Jesus went down from the bosom of His mother, and stood on His feet before the dragons; and they adored Jesus, and thereafter retired.
-- The Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew, Chapter 18
That's right: The Bible could have included a passage detailing how Jesus Christ totally gave the cold shoulder to a dragon army. At first glance, this seems like a pretty baffling omission. Jesus Christ, dragon tamer, would have been pretty effective when converting metalheads and 14-year-old boys.
It makes a lot more sense if you believe that God was handling editorial duties. Jesus totally could have used his dragon-taming powers to sic an invincible hell-beast armada on Herod's ass. That's what the God from the Old Testament would have done.
If our son squandered powers that awesome, and we were editing his biography, we'd probably skip that part too.
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2021/11/3 10:48
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