hellboy

God says that he visits "the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and fourth generation." 34:7

God drives out the pagan tribes and commands the Israelites to destroy their altars and places of worship. 34:11-14

If you can't redeem him, then just "break his neck." Hey, it's all for the glory of God. 34:20

Whoever works, or even kindles a fire, on the Sabbath "shall be put to death." 35:2-3
Leviticus


"The Lord spake unto Moses, saying, If a soul ... sin through ignorance ... then he shall bring for his trespass unto the LORD a ram without blemish."
If you sin without knowing that you've done anything wrong, kill an unblemished ram for God. 5:14-15

"If a soul sin ... though he wist it not, yet is he guilty, and shall bear his iniquity."
If you sin against your own will, you are still guilty. 5:17

"If any of the flesh of the sacrifice of his peace offerings be eaten at all on the third day ... it shall be an abomination, and the soul that eateth of it shall bear his iniquity."
Don't eat any of your dead sacrifcial animals on the third day after you kill them. That is an abomination to God and he will never forgive you for it! 7:18

"But the soul that eateth of the flesh of the sacrifice of peace offerings ... having his uncleanness upon him, even that soul shall be cut off from his people."
Don't eat any sacrificed animals while you have your uncleanness upon you. If you do, you'll be exiled. 7:20

"Moreover the soul that shall touch any unclean thing, as the uncleanness of man, or any unclean beast, or any abominable unclean thing, and eat of the flesh of the sacrifice of peace offerings, which pertain unto the LORD, even that soul shall be cut off from his people."
If you touch any unclean thing (like "the uncleanness of man, or any unclean beast, or any other abominable unclean thing") while eating sacrifieced animals, you will be exiled. 7:21

"Ye shall eat no manner of fat ... for whosoever eateth the fat of the beast, of which men offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD ... shall be cut off from his people."
Be careful what you eat during these animal sacrifices. Don't eat fat or you will be exiled. 7:23-25

hellboy

"Moreover ye shall eat no manner of blood ... Whatsoever soul it be that eateth any manner of blood, even that soul shall be cut off from his people." 7:26

Two of the sons of Aaron "offered strange fire before the Lord" and "there went out fire from the Lord, and devoured them, and they died before the Lord." 10:1-2

Moses tells Aaron that his sons were burned to death to sanctfy and glorify God. 10:3

Moses tells Aaron's cousins to drag the burned bodies out of the camp, and he warns Aaron not to mourn the death of his sons or God will kill him too, along with everyone else. 10:4-6

If priests misbehave at the tabernacle by uncovering their heads, tearing their clothes, leaving with holy oil on them, or by drinking "wine or strong drink", then God will kill them and send his wrath on "all the people." 10:6-9

God will kill any priest that leaves the tabernacle. 10:7

If priests misbehave at the tabernacle by by drinking "wine or strong drink," then God will kill them and send his wrath on "all the people." "It shall be a statute for ever." 10:9

"She shall bring a lamb ... for a burnt offering, and... a young pigeon, or dove, for a sin offering."
After a woman gives birth, a priest must kill a lamb, pigeon, or dove as a sin offering. This is because having children is sinful and God likes it when things are killed for him. 12:6

"When ye be come into the land of Canaan ... I put the plague of leprosy in ... the land of your possession."
God "put the plague of leprosy" on the Canaanites. 14:34

God warns Aaron that he might have to burn him to death like he did his sons. (10:1-2) 16:1-2

hellboy

God explains the use of scapegoats. It goes like this: Get two goats. Kill one. Wipe, smear, and sprinkle the blood around seven times. Then take the other goat, give it the sins of all the people, and send it off into the wilderness. 16:8-28

"Aaron shall lay both his hands upon the head of the live goat, and confess over him all the iniquities of the children of Israel, and all their transgressions in all their sins, putting them upon the head of the goat, and shall send him away by the hand of a fit man into the wilderness. And the goat shall bear upon him all their iniquities." 16:21-22

"Whosoever shall commit any of these abominations ... shall be cut off from among their people." 18:29

Don't eat sacrifices on the third day or God will cut you off from among your people. 19:6-8

If a man has sex with an engaged slave woman, scourge the woman, but don't punish the man. (Even if he raped her?) 19:20-22

Kill anyone who "gives his seed" to Molech. If you refuse, God will cut you and your family off. 20:2

If you refuse to kill someone who gives his seed to Molech, God set his face against you and your family. 20:4-5

Stay away from people with familiar spirits and don't "go a whoring" after them either. 20:6

"For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death." Couldn't we try spanking first? 20:9

Both parties in adultery shall be executed. 20:10

hellboy

If a man has sex with his father's wife, kill them both. 20:11

If a man "lies" with his daughter-in-law, then both must be killed. 20:12

If a man has sex with another man, kill them both. 20:13

If you "lie" with your wife and your mother-in-law (now that sounds fun!), then all three of your must be burned to death. 20:14

If a man or woman "lie with a beast" both the person and the poor animal are to be killed. 20:15-16

People with "familiar spirits" are to be stoned to death. But how can we be sure that a person's spirit is too familiar? The good book doesn't say, it just says to kill them. 20:27

A priest's daughter who "plays the whore" is to be burned to death. 21:9

Handicapped people cannot approach the altar of God. They would "profane" it. 21:16-23

Anyone with a "flat nose, or any thing superfluous" must stay away from the altar of God. 21:18

A man who is unclean, or is a leper, or has a "running issue", or "whose seed goeth from him", or who touches any dead or "creeping thing" ... "shall not eat of the holy things, until he be clean." 22:3-5

hellboy

No stranger or slave can "eat of the holy thing." 22:10, 13

"But if the priest buy any soul with his money ..." It must be OK to buy slaves; even priests do it. 22:11

If a priest's daughter marries "a stranger" she can't eat any holy things. 22:12

Don't do any work on the day of atonement or God will destroy you. 23:29-30

A man curses and blasphemes while disputing with another man. Moses asks God what to do about it. God says that the whole community must stone him to death. "And the children of Israel did as the Lord and Moses commanded." 24:10-23

Anyone who blasphemes or curses shall be stoned to death by the entire community. 24:16

"He that killeth any man shall surely be put to death." 24:17

"If a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him." 24:19

"Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again." 24:20

"He that killeth a man, he shall be put to death." 24:21

hellboy

God's instructions for buying your brother for a slave. 25:39

God tells the Israelites to make slaves out of their neighbors and their families. The "heathens" and "strangers" are to be their possessions forever. 25:44-46

God tells the Israelites to "chase" their enemies and make them "fall before you by the sword." He figures five of the Israelites will be able to "chase" a hundred of their enemies, and a hundred will be able to "put ten thousand to flight." 26:7-8

If you don't follow all of the laws in the Old Testament, God will shower you with all of the curses in the next 25 verses. 26:14-15

"I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it." 26:16

"I will set my face against you, and ye shall be slain before your enemies." 26:17

"And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven times more for your sins." 26:18

"I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins." 26:21

"I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle." 26:22

"I ... will punish you yet (another) seven times for your sins." 26:24

hellboy

"I will bring a sword upon you ... I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy." 26:25

"And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me ... then ... I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins." 26:27-28

"And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat." 26:29

"I will ... cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you." 26:30

"And I will make your cities waste." 26:31

"And I will bring the land into desolation". 26:32

"And I will scatter you among the heathen, and will draw out a sword after you: and your land shall be desolate, and your cities waste." 26:33

"And upon them that are left alive of you I will send a faintness into their hearts in the lands of their enemies; and the sound of a shaken leaf shall chase them; and they shall flee, as fleeing from a sword; and they shall fall when none pursueth." 26:36

"And they shall fall one upon another, as it were before a sword, when none pursueth: and ye shall have no power to stand before your enemies." 26:37

"And ye shall perish among the heathen, and the land of your enemies shall eat you up." 26:38

hellboy

"And they that are left of you shall pine away in their iniquity in your enemies' lands; and also in the iniquities of their fathers shall they pine away with them." 26:39

God defines the value of human life in dollars and cents. Of course, to God, females are worth considerably less than males (50 - 60%) -- but neither are worth much. 27:3-7

All "devoted" things (both man and beast) "shall surely be put to death." 27:28-29
Numbers


God shows his hospitality with the admonition: "The stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death." 1:51, 3:10, 3:38

Two of Aaron's sons are killed by God for "offering strange fire before the Lord." 3:4

Don't touch or "go in to see when the holy things are covered." God kills people who touch or look at covered holy things. 4:15, 20

God tells the people to expel from camp "every leper, every one that hath an issue, and whoever is defiled by the dead." So by God's instructions, the sick are abandoned and left to suffer and die alone. 5:1-4

The Law of Jealousies. If a man suspects his wife of being unfaithful, he reports it to the priest. The priest then makes her drink some "bitter water." If she is guilty, the water makes her thigh rot and her belly swell. If innocent, no harm done -- the woman is free and will "conceive seed." In any case, "the man shall be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity." 5:11-31

"And the spirit of jealousy come upon him ... and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him ... and she be not defiled."
If a husband is jealous, his wife must submit to the law of jealousies whether she was "defiled" or not. 5:14

"Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest ... And the priest shall ... set her before the LORD ... and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse." 5:15-17

hellboy

"And the priest shall ... say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee ... be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse." 5:19

"Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, The LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell." 5:20-21

"But if ... some man have lain with thee beside thine husband ... The LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell." 5:22

"And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water that causeth the curse." 5:24

"And when he hath made her to drink the water ... if she be defiled ... the water that causeth the curse shall ... become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people." 5:27

"And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed." 5:28

"Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity." 5:31

The Israelites are God's favortite people, and the Levites are his favorites among the Israelites. 8:15-16

All firstborn Israelites, "both man and beast", belong to God. He got them the day that he killed every Egyptian firstborn child and animal. 8:17

If you don't keep the Passover you'll be "cut off" from your people. 9:13

hellboy

"And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it (He had his hearing aid on.) .... and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them."
God burned the complainers alive. That'll teach them! 11:1-2

God promises to give them "flesh to eat," not for just a few days, but "for a whole month, until it come out of your nostrils, and it be loathsome to you." Yuck. 11:20

"And while the flesh [of the quails] was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord smote the people with a very great plague. "The Bible isn't too clear about what these poor folks did to upset God so much; all it says is that they had "lusted." 11:33

Miriam and Aaron (Moses' brother and sister) criticize Moses for marrying an Ethiopian woman and thus breaking the law of God. But God makes it clear that his rules don't apply to his favorites, and he strikes Miriam with leprosy. Notice that only Miriam is punished, though both she and Aaron complained.  12:1, 9-10

More plagues and pestilence sent by God. God repeats one of his favorite promises: "your carcasses shall fall in this wilderness." 14:12, 29, 14:32-37

God punishes the children for the failings of their great-great grandfathers. 14:18

So Moses talked God out of killing everyone. He'll just see to it that no one over 20 years old survives the trip to Israel. Their "carcases shall fall in the wilderness." 14:20-35

God killed the ten spies that gave a discouraging report with a plague. 14:36-37

"Ye shall fall by the sword: because ye are turned away from the LORD ... Then the Amalekites ... and the Canaanites ... smote them." 14:43-45

"If any soul sin through ignorance ..." but how can someone sin through ignorance? Don't you have to know that an action is wrong for it to be sinful? Oh well, if you do happen to sin through ignorance, you can be forgiven by God if you kill some animals. 15:27-30

hellboy

The Israelites find a man picking up sticks on the sabbath. God commands them to kill him by throwing rocks at him. 15:32-36

Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, the first freethought/democracy martyrs, refused to follow Moses blindly, saying that everyone is holy and should be free to think for him or herself. God killed them and their families for daring to challenge Moses. 16:1-35

Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment."
God warns everyone to get away; he's going to kill some more people. 16:20-21

"Hereby ye shall know that the LORD hath sent me ... if the LORD make ... the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit..."
Moses tells the people that if the ground opens up and swallows the rebels and their families, then you'll know that God's on his side. 16:28-30

"The earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah ... They ... went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them." 16:31-33

"And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense." 16:35

After burning the the 250 guys that offered incense, God tells Moses to keep their censers (because they are holy) to remind everyone not to offer incense without a license. 16:36-40

After God killed Korah, his family, and 250 innocent bystanders, the people complained saying, "ye have killed the people of the Lord." So God, who doesn't take kindly to criticism, sends a plague on the people. And "they that died in the plague were 14,700." 16:41-50

"Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment."
God threatens (again) to kill everyone (but his special friends, Moses and Aaron). 16:44-45

"For there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun ... they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred." 16:46-49

hellboy

God threatens to kill those who murmur. To which the people reply, "Behold, we die, we perish, we all perish .... Shall we be consumed with dying?" 17:12-13

"They shall not come nigh the vessels of the sanctuary and the altar, that neither they, nor ye also, die."
Stay away from holy things and places -- like churches. God might have to kill you if you get too close. 18:3

God shows us how to make new friends by saying : "The stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death." 18:7

God describes once again the procedure for ritualistic animal sacrifices. such rituals must be extremely important to God, since he makes their performance a "statute" and "covenant" forever. 18:17-19

"Neither must the children of Israel henceforth come nigh the tabernacle of the congregation, lest they bear sin, and die." 18:22

"Neither shall ye pollute the holy things of the children of Israel, lest ye die." 18:32

The purification of the unclean. These absurd rituals, cruel sacrifices, and unjust punishments are vitally important to God. They are to be "a perpetual statute" for all humankind. 19:1-22

Moses is punished for hitting the rock with his staff (like he did before in Ex.17:6) to get water, rather than just speaking to the rock (as God asked him to do this time). For messing up the magic trick, Moses will never get to the promised land. 20:8-12

"And the Lord hearkened to the voice of Israel, and delivered up the Canaanites; and they utterly destroyed them and their cities." This verse demonstrates the power of prayer: If you ask God, he will destroy entire cities for you. 21:3

God sends "fiery serpents" to bite his chosen people, and many of them die. 21:6

hellboy

God delivers the Amorites into Moses' hands. (You're in God hands with Moses.) So Moses does the usual thing, killing everyone "until their was none left alive." 21:34-35

God says to Balaam, "If men come to call thee, rise up, and go with them." Men come, and Balaam goes with them, just as God had commanded." And God's anger was kindled because he went" -- but he was just following God's instructions! 22:20-22

After the people "commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab," Moses has them all killed. Then God tells Moses to hang their dead bodies up in front of him; God says that this will satisfy him. 25:1-5

When one of the Israelite men brings home a foreign woman, "Phinehas (Aaron's grandson) sees them and throws a spear "through the man .. and the woman through her belly." This act pleases God so much that "the plague was stayed from the children of Israel." But not before 24,000 had died. 25:6-9

For impaling the interracial couple, God rewards Phinehas and his sons with the everlasting priesthood. 25:10-13

God tells Moses how to care for his neighbors by saying: "Vex the Midianites, and smite them." 25:16-17

The ground swallow Korah and his companions and a fire consumes 250 men. 26:10

"And Nadab and Abihu died when they offered strange fire before the Lord." When you go camping avoid making any unusual fires. 26:61

Under God's direction, Moses' army defeats the Midianites. They kill all the adult males, but take the women and children captive. When Moses learns that they left some live, he angrily says: "Have you saved all the women alive? Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." So they went back and did as Moses (and presumably God) instructed, killing everyone except for the virgins. In this way they got 32,000 virgins -- Wow! (Even God gets some of the booty -- including the virgins.) 31:1-54

"The prey that was taken, both of man and of beast" was offered as a "heave offering of the LORD." 31:26-29

God killed all the Egyptian firstborn. 33:4

hellboy

God tells Moses to exterminate the residents of Canaan and destroy all of their religious symbols and possessions. 33:50-52

But if the Israelites don't kill them all, then God will make them pricks in their eyes and thorns in their sides. And he will do unto the Israelites as he planned to do to the inhabitants of Canaan. 33:55-56

If a person accidentally kills someone, then she should go to a city of refuge. If she can get to the city of refuge before the "revenger of blood" (the victim's closest relative) can catch her, then she is safe, at least until the high priest dies (I don't know what he has to do with it). But if she is caught outside the city of refuge, then the revenger of blood can kill her. 35:11-12

"The revenger of blood" must murder the murderer just as soon as he sees him. 35:19, 21

"The revenger of blood himself shall slay the murderer: when he meeteth him, he shall slay him." The "revenger of blood" (the victim's closest relative) must murder the murderer just as soon as he sees him. 35:19, 21

"But if the slayer shall at any time come without the border of the city of his refuge ... and the revenger of blood kill the slayer; he shall not be guilty of blood. Because he should have remained in the city of his refuge until the death of the high priest" If the accidental killer leaves the city of refuge and is caught by the revenger of blood, then the revenger can legally kill the accidental killer. 35:26-28

"Whoso killeth any person, the murderer shall be put to death." 35:30

"The land cannot be cleansed of the blood that is shed therein, but by the blood of him that shed it." 35:33
Deuteronomy


"God ... shall fight for you." 1:30

hellboy

"The hand of the LORD was against them, to destroy them from among the host, until they were consumed."
God killed all the Israelite soldiers -- slowly. It took him 38 years to kill them all, but he finally got the job done. 2:14-16

"The Lord destroyed them before them" -- the general treatment of the people who were supposedly displaced by the Israelites. 2:21-22

"I have given into thine hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land: begin to possess it, and contend with him in battle." 2:24

All nations shall be terrorized by the followers of Yahweh. 2:25

God hardened the heart of the king of Heshbon and so that he could have him and all of his people killed. 2:30

At God's instructions, the Israelites "utterly destroyed the men, women, and the little ones" leaving "none to remain." 2:33-36

The Israelites, with God's help, kill all the men, women, and children of every city. 3:3-6

"And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city." 3:6

Moses promises Joshua that God will massacre kings and kingdoms for him, too. 3:21

When going to war, don't be afraid. God is on your side; "he shall fight for you." 3:22

hellboy

"What God is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy works?" What other God can kill so many people? 3:24

God destroyed the followers of Baalpeor. 4:3

God is "a consuming fire, even a jealous God." 4:24

If someone makes an image of anything (like a bird or flower) then God will destroy the entire nation. 4:25-26

God brought the Israelites out of Egypt "by war ... and by great terrors." 4:34

God, by his own admission, is a jealous God who unjustly punishes great-great grandchildren for the failings of their long-dead ancestors. 5:9

"Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's ... manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any thing that is thy neighbour's." In the Bible, slaves (servants in the KJV) are the rightful property of slave-owners; they are his possessions -- like an ox or an ass. 5:21

If you worship the wrong god, God will get jealous and kill you. 6:15

God instructs the Israelites to kill, without mercy, all the inhabitants (strangers) of the land that they conquer. 7:2

If you do show any mercy to such strangers, "give your daughters to any of them, or "take" any of their daughters, then you'll get God so angry that he'll "destroy thee suddenly." 7:4

hellboy

God prefers the Israelites to everyone else. It's not that he's prejudiced, he just like them better. 7:6

God will kill those who hate him. 7:10

Those who do as God says will never be infertile (neither will their cows!) and will never get sick. (God will send infertility and diseases on the other guys.) 7:14-15

God commands his people to "consume all the people which the Lord thy God shall deliver thee; thine eye shall have no pity on them." 7:16

God will send hornets to kill your enemies, "for the Lord thy God is among you, a mighty God and terrible." 7:20-23

"The LORD thy God shall deliver them unto thee, and shall destroy them with a mighty destruction, until they be destroyed." 7:23

God makes people wealthy (or poor). 8:17-18

"If thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods ... ye shall surely perish." 8:19-20

God is "a consuming fire" that destroys people. 9:3

After God kills those of other faiths, be sure to reject their beliefs and do not learn about them. Otherwise God will have to kill you too. 12:30

hellboy

Prophets and dreamers are to be executed if they say or dream the wrong things. 13:1-5

If your brother, son, daughter, wife, or friend tries to get you to worship another god, "thou shalt surely kill him, thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death."  13:6-10

If you hear of a city where another god is worshiped, then destroy everyone in the city (even the cattle) and burn it down. (Watch out Salt Lake!) 13:12-16

Don't eat any dead animals that you find lying around. But it's okay to give it to strangers or sell it to foreigners. 14:21

Instructions for buying your brother. 15:12-17

Kill everyone who has religious beliefs that are different from your own. 17:2-7

Anyone who will not listen to a priest or a judge must be executed. 17:12-13

False prophets are to be (you guessed it) executed. How do you know who is a false prophet? By whether or not their predictions come true. (Watch out Jehovah's Witnesses!) 18:20

A murderer is to be killed by "the avenger of blood," which is the victim's nearest relative. "And thine eye shall not pity" them. 19:11-13

False witnesses are to be execucuted. 19:18-19

hellboy

"And thine eye shall not pity. Life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot." 19:21

God travels with people and fights in their wars. 20:4

God tells the Israelites to enslave the people that they conquer in war. 20:10-11

In the cities that god "delivers into thine hands" you must kill all the males (including old men, boys, and babies) with "the edge of the sword .... But the women ... shalt thou take unto yourself." 20:13

"But of the cities ... which the Lord thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth." Kill the old men and women, the sick and the dying, the blind and the lame, pregnant mothers, nursing mothers, infants, toddlers, and babies. 20:16

If you find a dead body and don't know the cause of death, then get all the elders together, cut off the head of a heifer, wash your hands over its body, and say our hands have not shed this blood. (That'll do it!) 21:1-8

If you have a "stubborn and rebellious son," then you and the other men in your neighborhood "shall stone him with stones that he die." 21:18-21

Hang on trees the bodies of those who are "accursed of God." They make nice decorations. 21:22

If a man marries, then decides that he hates his wife, he can claim she wasn't a virgin when they were married. If her father can't produce the "tokens of her virginity" (bloody sheets), then the woman is to be stoned to death at her father's doorstep. 22:13-21

"If a man be found lying with a woman married to a husband, then they shall both of them die." 22:22

hellboy

If a betrothed virgin is raped in the city and doesn't cry out loud enough, then "the men of the city shall stone her to death." 22:23-24

If a man rapes an unbetrothed virgin, he must pay her father 50 shekels of silver and then marry her. 22:28-29

You can't go to church if your testicles are damaged or your penis has been cut off. 23:1

God won't let bastards attend church. Neither can the sons or daughters of bastards "even to the tenth generation." So if you plan to attend church next Sunday be ready to prove that your genitals are intact and don't forget your birth certificate and genealogical records for at least the last ten generations. Don't laugh. This stuff is important to God. 23:2

No Moabite will ever be allowed into the congregation of the Lord. 23:3, 6

God says not be bring any whore, sodomite, or dog into the house of the Lord. For "these things are an abomination to the Lord." Sodomites and dogs are biblical names for homosexuals. 23:17-18

Usury is wrong except when lending to strangers. Then it's okay. 23:20

If a man marries a woman and later finds "some uncleanness in her," then he can divorce her and kick her out of his house. If another man marries her and then dies, the first husband cannot marry her again. "For that is an abomination before the Lord." 24:1-4

Those who capture slaves and sell them must be executed. 24:7

"Remember what the Lord thy God did unto Miriam." (He struck her with leprosy for rightly accusing Moses of breaking God's laws regarding marriage [Num.12:10]). 24:9